--- fortune-mod-1.99.1.orig/datfiles/people +++ fortune-mod-1.99.1/datfiles/people @@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled with disapproval and potato chip crumbs. In the shadow under the green visor of the cap Ignatius J. Reilly's supercilious blue and yellow eyes looked down -upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D.H. Holmes department +upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D. H. Holmes department store, studying the crowd of people for signs of bad taste in dress. Several of the outfits, Ignatius noticed, were new enough and expensive enough to be properly considered offenses against taste and decency. Possession of @@ -129,7 +129,7 @@ A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and the real reason. % -A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single +A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery % @@ -162,8 +162,8 @@ % A well-known friend is a treasure. % - A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened -to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the + A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened +to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" @@ -198,7 +198,7 @@ After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case. @@ -393,7 +393,7 @@ -- Henry Ward Beecher % Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - -- Leo Rosten, on W.C. Fields + -- Leo Rosten, on W. C. Fields % Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. % @@ -412,7 +412,7 @@ explanation, and many men and women have acquired a reputation for intelligence who know only this word and have used it in place of thought on every occasion." - -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.) + -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.) % Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty. % @@ -434,7 +434,7 @@ Is illegal fishing something only a daring criminal would do? Is Batman your hero? Superman? Green Lantern? The Shadow? Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose? -% + Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer) 0-2 -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood. 3-5 -- There is hope for you yet. @@ -515,7 +515,7 @@ -- The Cowboy % Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of. - -- J.J. Gibson + -- J. J. Gibson % Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Stuart Mill @@ -572,7 +572,7 @@ -- Addison H. Hallock % Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honour. - -- Psalms 18:12 + -- Proverbs 18:12 % Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you. % @@ -607,14 +607,14 @@ -- James Russell Lowell % Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Alexander Pope % Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. @@ -650,8 +650,8 @@ "But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to the nearest gas station." % -But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than -frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them? +But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than +frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them? -- M. Proust % By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task @@ -711,7 +711,7 @@ % Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - -- Descartes, 1637 + -- Descartes, 1637 % Conceit causes more conversation than wit. -- LaRouchefoucauld @@ -741,7 +741,7 @@ -- H. L. Mencken % Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" % Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. % @@ -795,7 +795,6 @@ -- Thomas Jefferson % Did you know that clones never use mirrors? - -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" % Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead. -- Euripides @@ -823,7 +822,7 @@ one who does, and these people hate the thinkers like poison. Even if some thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make fun of them for it. Better to think about cucumbers even, than not to think at all. - -- T.H. White + -- T. H. White % Do you mean that you not only want a wrong answer, but a certain wrong answer? -- Tobaben @@ -863,7 +862,7 @@ Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side. % Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors. - -- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts" + -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts" % Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good. I know better. The things I worry about don't happen. @@ -913,7 +912,7 @@ looked at himself again. "As I thought," he said, "no better from *____this* side. But nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that's what it is. - -- A.A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh," Chapter VI, "In Which Eeyore + -- A. A. Milne, "Winnie the Pooh," Chapter VI, "In Which Eeyore Has a Birthday and Gets Two Presents" % Elevators smell different to midgets. @@ -1014,7 +1013,7 @@ % Evil is that which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. -- Albert Schweitzer @@ -1205,7 +1204,7 @@ -- Oscar Wilde % He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey. - -- John LeCarre + -- John LeCarre % He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words. % @@ -1250,7 +1249,7 @@ -- Sinbad % He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. - -- M.C. Escher + -- M. C. Escher % He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter. @@ -1323,10 +1322,10 @@ -- Tom K. Ryan % Human kind cannot bear very much reality. - -- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" % -Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, -responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and +Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, +responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. -- Tom Robbins % @@ -1364,7 +1363,7 @@ -- Winston Churchill % I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up. -- Biff Barf @@ -1374,7 +1373,7 @@ % I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - -- A.J. Liebling + -- A. J. Liebling % I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along." It isn't that I can't toddle. It's that I can't guess I'll toddle. @@ -1755,7 +1754,7 @@ % If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. - -- A.J. Liebling, "The Press" + -- A. J. Liebling, "The Press" % If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it. @@ -1874,7 +1873,7 @@ % It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness. % -It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be +It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. -- Henry Allen % @@ -1890,7 +1889,7 @@ holds back one who is hastening. Rather one should befriend the guest who is there, but speed him when he wishes. -- Homer, "The Odyssey" - + [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to scheduling.] % @@ -1977,7 +1976,7 @@ % It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - -- H.W. Longfellow + -- H. W. Longfellow % It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear. % @@ -2005,7 +2004,7 @@ % It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. % -It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being +It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for being right. % It's hard not to like a man of many qualities, even if most of them are bad. @@ -2090,7 +2089,7 @@ -- Charles Baudelaire % Life is a series of rude awakenings. - -- R.V. Winkle + -- R. V. Winkle % Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane person would wantonly inflict on someone else. @@ -2255,13 +2254,13 @@ Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. % Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % More are taken in by hope than by cunning. -- Vauvenargues % More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice. - -- R.S. Surtees + -- R. S. Surtees % Most of our lives are about proving something, either to ourselves or to someone else. @@ -2277,7 +2276,7 @@ Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries. % @@ -2293,7 +2292,7 @@ Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained only by the disinclination of others to listen. Reserve is an artificial quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs. - -- W.S. Maugham + -- W. S. Maugham % Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only. % @@ -2320,7 +2319,7 @@ % My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say. And then say it with the utmost levity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. @@ -2403,7 +2402,7 @@ -- Robert Louis Stevenson % No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would. % @@ -2412,7 +2411,7 @@ % No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. - -- W.S. Gilbert + -- W. S. Gilbert % No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt @@ -2611,7 +2610,7 @@ % Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. - -- D.J. Hicks + -- D. J. Hicks % Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. -- Eric Hoffer @@ -2660,7 +2659,7 @@ % People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they *know* me there! - -- D.L. Roth + -- D. L. Roth % People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure. @@ -2721,7 +2720,7 @@ % Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion. % @@ -2807,7 +2806,7 @@ % Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary? - -- J.M. Barrie + -- J. M. Barrie % Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race. -- Robert Preston, Toddy, "Victor/Victoria" @@ -2839,7 +2838,7 @@ So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist. - -- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire + -- T. S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire % So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. @@ -2880,7 +2879,7 @@ 1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? 2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. - 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore + 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like ... Wyoming. 4 (personal): Well, here we are. Just the three of us. 5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen @@ -2941,7 +2940,7 @@ -- Dave Millman % Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % Start the day with a smile. After that you can be your nasty old self again. % @@ -2967,7 +2966,7 @@ -- William Wrenshaw, 1578 % Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" % Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. % @@ -3114,7 +3113,7 @@ % The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move. @@ -3195,10 +3194,10 @@ % The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur. - -- A.N. Whitehead + -- A. N. Whitehead % The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas. - -- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time" + -- H. G. Wells, "Time After Time" % The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. @@ -3209,7 +3208,7 @@ The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions. - -- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade + -- Marquis D. A. F. de Sade % The more I know men the more I like my horse. % @@ -3233,7 +3232,7 @@ % The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. @@ -3288,7 +3287,7 @@ % The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours. - -- F.H. Bradley + -- F. H. Bradley % The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress @@ -3359,12 +3358,12 @@ % The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % The world needs more people like us and fewer like them. % The worst cliques are those which consist of one man. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst." -- King Lear @@ -3374,7 +3373,7 @@ % The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. -- William Butler Yeats @@ -3431,7 +3430,7 @@ % There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation. If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else. - --Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles + -- Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles % There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day. @@ -3441,7 +3440,7 @@ honesty. % There is no delight the equal of dread. As long as it is somebody else's. - --Clive Barker + -- Clive Barker % There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. % @@ -3509,7 +3508,7 @@ % Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee. - -- W.S. Krabill + -- W. S. Krabill % Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. -- George Santayana @@ -3524,7 +3523,7 @@ -- Ralph Waldo Emerson % To be is to be related. - -- C.J. Keyser. + -- C. J. Keyser. % To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. % @@ -3672,7 +3671,7 @@ machinations of the wicked. % We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. - -- Eric Hoffer + -- Eric Hoffer % We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgement. @@ -3732,7 +3731,7 @@ formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin. - -- F.M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" + -- F. M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" % What do I consider a reasonable person to be? I'd say a reasonable person is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes @@ -3768,7 +3767,7 @@ themselves cleverer than we are. % What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way? - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you. @@ -3831,7 +3830,7 @@ % When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath your feet. - -- Stanislaw Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts" + -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts" % When you speak to others for their own good it's advice; when they speak to you for your own good it's interference. @@ -3842,7 +3841,7 @@ WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle to become a parrot or something. - -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. + -- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988. % Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. % @@ -3888,7 +3887,7 @@ % Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's. - -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681 + -- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681 % Why was I born with such contemporaries? -- Oscar Wilde @@ -3952,7 +3951,7 @@ % You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump. - -- W.C. Fields + -- W. C. Fields % You can't cross a large chasm in two small jumps. % @@ -4000,7 +3999,7 @@ You don't have to explain something you never said. -- Calvin Coolidge % -You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me +You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me from your own life. May it all turn out to your happiness. -- Goethe % @@ -4033,7 +4032,7 @@ -- Peter Beard % You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit. - -- E.A. Gilliam + -- E. A. Gilliam % You know you're in trouble when... (1) You wake up face down on the pavement. @@ -4046,7 +4045,7 @@ (6) Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate. % You know you're in trouble when... -(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your +(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt is caught in your pantyhose. Especially if you're a man. (2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. @@ -4056,13 +4055,13 @@ (6) You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day after you bought a waterbed. (7) You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk - clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party + clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your spouse. % You know you're in trouble when... (1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. -(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party +(2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any. (3) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat. (4) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. @@ -4070,13 +4069,13 @@ (6) Your mother approves of the person you're dating. % You know you're in trouble when... -(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind +(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. (2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. (3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. (4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office. (5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. -(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to +(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to flush a grapefruit down the toilet. (7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box. % @@ -4136,7 +4135,7 @@ You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" -- George Bernard Shaw, "Back to Methuselah" - [No, it wasn't J.F. Kennedy. Ed.] + [No, it wasn't J. F. Kennedy. Ed.] % You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends. -- Joseph Conrad @@ -4153,7 +4152,7 @@ % You want to know why I kept getting promoted? Because my mouth knows more than my brain. - -- W.G. + -- W.G. % You won't skid if you stay in a rut. -- Frank Hubbard @@ -4308,10 +4307,14 @@ -- "The Naked Consumer", Erik Larson % I'm enthralled by combine harvesters. In fact, I yearn to have one -- -as a pet. +as a pet. -- "The Day of the Jackal" % -The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call +The horizon of many people is a circle with a radius of zero. They call this their point of view. -- Albert Einstein % +The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. +The pessimist is afraid this might be true. + -- crazyphilman's sig on kuro5hin +%